a site increasingly dedicated to the struggle between self-awareness, reality and the spiritual world

 Thanks for stopping by...

...please know that you're most welcome to make yourself at home. I don't have much to offer -- no life's work, no athoratative research on some fascinating or obscure subject matter, no massive list of useful and original links -- but I hope you enjoy your stay nonetheless.

Drop me a line if you feel so inclined.


 What's new?
Last updated 25 February, 2000
  • Okay, all the updates are done. Now it's time to add some new content...
  • The poetry and photos page updates are done...
  • I hope you enjoy the new format...

Scroll to the bottom of this page to view it's twisted history.

 Click no more: The Links
Here are all the links that used to be scattered across three or more pages. I'm providing these merely for those who may have come to rely on my page as a source of certain links. I've only kept the links to the more obscure sites and to friend's sites.

First and foremost, there's me poetry and me photographs. These have served as my outlet for the creative itch that never seems scratched, and have suffered in past years to the overwhelming tide that life can become. I've also left my silly bitmap art out there too.

Let's see, what else is there? There this guy who's nuts about Denny's, and these guys at the Neverhood who are just plain nuts. There's this great site with all kinds of info about any movie you could possibly think of, and another that gives good reviews of the same. Here's a site dedicated to one of my personal favorites, and here's the script of another.

You remember Beowulf, don't you? Need to find your way around the UK?

C.S. Lewis did lots of writing, while Lambert Dolphin has done lots of research, and J.T. Chick is quite talented as well. This guy just has a good story to tell. This guy is way out there.

Speaking of poetry, here's some interesting stuff. Here's the place to go to refute all those silly e-mail scams. Here's one of the largest (and increasingly popular) sources of raw (i.e., unedited) ghost stories that I've found.

I will also include links to web sites a few of my friends have put out there. All of them are quite good and without a doubt worth your click (and your time). There's Kevin's outstanding site dedicated to all things Daniel Amos, and Raj's zero site. Russ had a site at one time, but he's changed ISPs (and his global position) a number of times, so I'm not sure where it is right now. My friend Joe in England has his work cut out for him now that it's y-2000. Chuck has a web site too, it explores both sides of the picture.

 Now that you're here...

...take a minute to do something you haven't done in a while. Instead of just clicking on all the links, actually read the content.

So what is all this nonsense about "the struggle between self-awareness, reality and the spiritual world" anyway? Well, it's simply the best way I can think to describe where I am in my life's journey.

For an infant begins with the struggle for self-awareness. He plays with his toes, he sees his reflection in the mirror, he begins to understand that he has a unique perspective on the world around him. Then, as he grows, he begins to build a history of how others have reacted to his natural, sincere responses to the world around him. If he lands on his rump while trying to walk will he find a warm chuckle, or an anxious, clingy embrace, or a sharp word. Later, does he find the things he says being met with acceptance, understanding, ridicule, or simply glazed eyes.

As I approached and then past the third decade mark in my life, I began to examine my own history of reactions a little more closely. I have not yet drawn any conclusions, other than the simple belief that my views of and responses to the things around me do not at all parallel what might be considered normal. By normal I simply mean what would be accepted as the most usual, the majority, the middle of the bell curve. (Not that there is anything righteous or even sane about normalcy, as I've defined it.) And what's more, I find that I seem to leave a very strong impression on people about who I am without ever trying. I've had people I thought I hardly knew telling me things about my personality that even I didn't know.

So even though I learned to walk about this planet more than 30 years ago, I still find that I struggle with my own self-awareness.

Not being an authentic student of philosophy, I would still venture to say that the most discussed topic in philosophical circles throughout history has been and continues to be the idea of reality. Is it defined by what we touch, what we see, hear, taste, smell, the physical pain we feel? If we are put alone in a dark room our thoughts continue, and given time may create their own reality. Someone wrongs me and I feel the emotions coursing, yet someone wrongs you and it doesn't seem to affect me the same way, so my emotions might play a part in reality.

But there's more, it goes much deeper. I see my child run across the room, laughing, playing, but how can I be sure she is my child? I was there when she was born, I've seen her grow up, but those things are only memories. So that plays a part as well. If a person betrays a trust, but the one betrayed never knows, what has happened? Has anything happened? So knowledge plays a part too. Everyday I wake up in the same bed and turn off the same alarm clock and drive the same car to the same job and interact with the same people - is that reality? What if it's all a hoax, a clever deception? (If you haven't seen The Matrix I suggest you do.) And there's another point. What part does the media play in our reality? The books we read, the music we listen to, the movies and television we see - do they all teach us that reality is we evolved from primordial goop, the human race can achieve world peace, everybody uses foul language on the job so I should too, and when you're killing someone, hold the gun at an angle because you'll look cool?

Confused? You're in good company! But I think there's something even deeper.

I am convinced that there is a reality much larger than all my ranting above describes. (to be continued...)