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at odds

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Who I am
     is at odds with the post-modern universe
From time to time
    who I am is unavoidable
Who I am
    wrestles to face the day
  and to rise and walk

Did I ask to be who I am?
Did some cosmic forethought
  of my personage examine mankind
 and pick and choose those qualities
      thought to be most admirable?
And did I then petition the Father
  saying, His will over all
 yet if I might could I be made like this?

Dash it all to my common sense,
 let not reason prevail!
Who is that speaking, saying,
  "Move outside of what’s comfortable,
      dare to be displaced..."

But is it about comfort?

Does not the artist feel in his own
  when faced with a blank canvas?
Then why would he seek to be a merchant?
Does not the orator find comfort
  before the crowd.
Why then would he desire to sweep floors?
And the craftsman is consoled
  by the feel of wood in his hands.
Would he not be foolish to forsake it?

I seek not to change but fulfillment,
I look not towards what is foreign
   but to purpose,
I argue not that my plight comes
   from purity,
For purity is something only
   afforded the innocent.

I have always said that I feel
    like I’m on the outside,
  but perhaps now I know.

© 1999 (23 january) john r. chase

i'm not really sure what caused me to write this, other than hearing someone say something that didn't jive with my current place in the struggle to balance my humanity and spirituality.