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A Willing Victim

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of course, I'm such a willing victim
and now preparing for the old feelings of
not in control, of impersonality, of . . .
"Panic grip the mind"? Please!
Let us be realistic, okay?!

Yes, i said yes, i always say yes
"in all ways" i say yes, but for some
reason i don't feel so bad about it
          this time.

What will happen this time?
Will i make my final stand?
"I am not as good as you perceive"
who will the truth hurt more!
More false hopes swelling up
inside my consensual head.
what do i assume, what will they assume.
only Time can tell us.

one, two, three, four
it all ends so blatantly
    so unintelligible
I want out so bad
but i'm not even in

© 1986 john r. chase

i'll leave you alone with your thoughts on this one. i think it's better that way.