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we're never gonna happen
are we?

i'm just foolin' myself
to think that something
as good as you
could happen to me

i can pretend,
make believe i'm okay,
put on the good face,
go on with life

but every day i'm away from you,
every moment i can't hear your voice,
every hour i consider the odds,
i'm that much closer to death

how can i ever hope
to go so deep
with anyone else?
from this point on
anything else
will always be second best

if you and i never happen
it will always be there
like a thorn in my soul,
i will always cry
when certain songs are heard
and everyone will wonder why,
i will still suddenly find myself
dark and down, longing for life to end,
and no one will have a clue

i'm gonna stop reading
and listening to music
and smiling -
i'm gonna close down,
turn off,
be a zombie

how can i be anything else
apart from you?

i hope you never read this,
i hope you never know
how empty i feel,
how dead,
and alone

i've hurt until i'm numb
i've cried until i'm blind
i've no emotion left

as long as there's breath
there's hope
yet i'm without hope
so i want to stop breathing


© 2001 (27 june) john r. chase

this has been fun. can i scream now?