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It makes me wonder

Surrounded by a barrier that was built up over time
        now gone

and left with none of the false impressions
   those things that shielded my soul from the truth

left with nothing but a deep, soulish pain I've never known
   or at least never acknowledged

feeling completely alien, not wanting to face up to the ethereal
       only wanting to be lost again in the mechanics
   desiring to be hollowed, desiring to have not life but existence halted

relentless is the procession of events, the great machine
   all things are fluid, constantly moving, no time to pause, to reflect

everything deep remains buried, hidden, suffocating
   for when even the simple things are taken, truly nothing remains

(stop feeling sorry for yourself!)

and memories pour in and permeate every corner and secret place
   I was there, if anyone would know it would be me
     but I don't know, I left as I came, blinded and ignorant

blinded, running, driven, as if pursued
      cut by branches, scraped on rocks, drenched in the crossing
   bleeding, bruised, but no time for care, no time for healing

once in a safe place, once venturing out further and further
   once remaining safe, attached with chords to the warmth and acceptance
   out some more, now running, running
             feeling so secure
               such bliss

now sitting, sitting in the dirt
   no breeze from my fast pace to mask the stench of my flesh
     so cold, so cold...

(grow up, you baby!)

© 1998 (25 june) john r. chase

here we find more out pouring of my soul during what was up until that time the most painful event of my life. i would say more, but this one truly does speak for itself.