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i don't want to cry

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i don't want to cry
not right now
not here
not with everyone looking

i got things to get done
deadlines to meet
people to please
they can't find me this way
in tears
nose running
eyes red

i don't want to have to explain
i'm tired of my story
tired of crying
tired of hurting

i keep thinking it's gone
that i've moved on
but then suddenly it begins
and tears start to fall
there's no image in my mind
no thought that triggers it
without warning
my nose starts to tingle
my eyes feel thick
my stomach quivers
i'm helpless to stop it

still i try to fight it back
or try to run away
but in the end
there's nothing i can do
but turn my head
and look out the window
so no one will see

© 2001 (29 june) john r. chase


stop looking at me