No hiding. :: prev :: next :: Things have changed from the initial rush of discovery and the flood of words, thoughts and emotions as we bared our pasts. Yet there is still more, so much more, for you to know, for me to know. There's still something inside that hopes you won't be scared away, but is nonetheless, preparing my soul for the possibility... So when will we find the time? The time to confess again all that we are, all that we desire, all that we fear. There's still a big part of me that's on hold, in nuetral, not engaged, waiting, waiting for you. And our usual and primary means of verbal intercourse seems less and less effectual... ...because it takes time, time for me to engage, time for all that's inside to gel to the point that it can be cut with a knife, and served to you. Through years and years of guilt and inadequacy I have come, and now I will not rush my feelings and ideas, like a stand-up comic about to get the hook. For I have not become proud or arrogant, but instead, am becoming more comfortable with who I am and understanding more and more that there's nothing wrong with it and learning more and more the difference between what has room for improvement and what is unapologetically me. I miss you. Everything about you. I miss the light you bring to life. I miss the completion you bring to my soul. I miss the way you express your ideas, and the way you listen to mine. (listen...) I have never had a friend like you. No, never... ...and I miss you, and with each tear that falls, I miss you more. It is only the hope of one day being us that keeps me alive. (I hide this from myself, so that I won't hurt...) © 2002 (12 august) john r. chase
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