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No hiding.

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Things have changed
from the initial rush
of discovery
and the flood of words, thoughts and emotions
as we bared our pasts.

Yet there is still more,
so much more,
for you to know,
for me to know.

There's still something inside
that hopes you won't be scared away,
but is nonetheless,
preparing my soul for the possibility...

So when will we find the time?
The time to confess again
all that we are,
all that we desire,
all that we fear.

There's still a big part of me
that's on hold, in nuetral,
not engaged, waiting, waiting
for you.

And our usual and primary
means of verbal intercourse
seems less and less effectual...

...because it takes time,
time for me to engage,
time for all that's inside
to gel to the point that it can be cut with a knife,
and served to you.

Through years and years
of guilt and inadequacy I have come,
and now I will not rush my feelings and ideas,
like a stand-up comic about to get the hook.
For I have not become proud or arrogant,
but instead, am becoming more comfortable
with who I am
and understanding more and more
that there's nothing wrong with it
and learning more and more
the difference between
what has room for improvement
and what is unapologetically

I miss you.
Everything about you.
I miss the light you bring to life.
I miss the completion you bring to my soul.
I miss the way you express your ideas,
and the way you listen to mine. (listen...)
I have never had a friend like you.
No, never...

...and I miss you,
and with each tear that falls,
I miss you more.

It is only the hope
of one day being us
that keeps me alive.

(I hide this from myself, so that I won't hurt...)

© 2002 (12 august) john r. chase

i've been talking to myself again...