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you know i'm stuck.
i can't send a note,
nor call.
i just want to know what you're thinking.
i can't do this again
without debriefing,
i can't.

my friends tell me to let it go.
maybe i should.
but i can't.

i keep telling myself
to fight,
to not let you get away
i was a fool to do so once before.

if things were more settled in my life
i probably would.
if i had a place for you right now
i know i would.
but maybe i need to stop being so practical.
i just wish i knew what was going on.

i can't believe i am where i am.
having 220 volts of rejection
run down my spine
twice now
in only one
of the earth.

i know this too shall pass.
(no it won't)
but right now
you have no idea
how badly
i want it to all be over,
to close my eyes
and sleep for eternity.

this life is a game
not meant for people like me
who are so deep,
and care so much,
and i want to stop playing.
i'm tired,
and i'm lonely,
and i can't take any more pain.

"your f'in with my happiness!"
that's what he kept saying.
too bad he doesn't care about YOUR happiness
as much as i do.

i'll keep praying,
that you'll either find the courage to wake up,
or i'll find the courage to wake you up,
aren't you tired of sleeping?
i am.
it's 3 a.m.
i'm wide awake,
and i'm waiting for you.

i still "have" faith.
it was a gift from you.
i'll cherish it always.
i'll never lose it.

© 2001 (23 july) john r. chase

i could never be angry at you. i just want to talk...