Right Where I Am :: prev :: next :: Neo was looking for Morpheus He believed Morpheus could tell him, What is the Matrix? I, too, am looking for the answer. Life is cause and effect. If one ever battles with reality, do something careless or selfish. One will see his actions ripple as on a lake, smooth becomes choppy, rocking the sleepy passengers No, we do not scream in a vacuum. What is reality, What is contentment, Can a dog be content, Is fear in a human an emotion, But in an animal only instinct, Why is my intellect like fireworks Full of beauty and wonder But all too soon, gone Leaving nothing but smoke . . . I see clearly that doing my best right where I am is the way to improve my future Yet right where I am is meaningless. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results has been said to define insanity. Regardless, it demonstrates futility. Even still, on occasion my soul has been moved, books, film, music, friends. So there must be something there, for there are signs of life a soulish pulse a fogging on the mirror of my eyes a twitch a tear. Looking deep, deeper it becomes clear. I am a master at playing my part. I have perfected the craft over nearly four decades of practise. I rival electricity, following the path of least resistance. But I don't play this role out of love of the art, but out of fear. Fear to be who I am Fear I will disappoint Fear that I'm wrong That my intuition will again lead me astray It has been said a sure sign of sanity is healthy self-awareness. But for me it is a prison. I've had more thoughts than any one person should have. I'm too young to feel this old, this tired. $23 a month sounds affordable, but how many months are we talking about . . . © 2007 (7 August) john r. chase
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