stream :: prev :: next :: it didn't go like I had hoped only another reminder of the sadness in my heart it melts and falls down like rain and everything that pushes me away is right here but then the littlest of them all comes and brings a fresh breath of innocence and standing close I whisper words not understood they form some sort of a prayer you're the reason I stick around the joy you give me carries me from day to day if I can't quiet these voices in my head I'm going to fill it with lead my story's not even halfway over there's so much more to write and so much more to live and I don't know where it's all leading my mind is the biggest obstacle to any sort of success I've changed so much, but then again, not really my eyes were blinded, but now I see how dark the night is you're the sunlight in the night you're the reason I march on with this heavy burden on my back I'd like to hear your voice again I say "again" not knowing if I've ever heard from you I haven't buried it in the earth But I'm not the shrewdest of investors either Please, tell me, am I close I don't feel close I feel very, very far away On my own Every step if not deliberate, at least willful All my efforts are half-hearted I'll be relegated to the fringe of heaven On the outside looking in Swapping stories of earth With those whose clothes are singed As twilight lights our faces I know there is beauty here So much of life I don't want to live in this thimble any more Is my search for significance merely vanity Is my desire for the inner circle narcissistic Dammit, I'm meant for more than this Fighting these petty battles Trying to get them all to raise their heads Trying to keep them from being drowned in the mire of the lukewarm, the mediocre With those close at hand I have no influence From those whom I desire to influence I am far away But at the end of the day, I will fight Of course I will fight, I always do I would like to think you will fight with me, for me There are many stories that paint that picture of you But in my darkest night there is no white horse No heroic rescue No epic story to share and encourage the masses There's bread, and a friend to share the darkness But from my limited point of view I fight alone Perhaps I have the strength to fight alone And that is why you don't intervene But you know me, you know I play all angles That voice labels me a pessimist Tries to convince me that regardless of the good I will always shine the light on the bad Maybe my fight is against these notions That seek to undermine my resolve Others have it far worse than I Who am I to complain Squeak Soon my breaking heart will mend Soon a happy ending © 2008 (14 november) john r. chase
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