that's not what i meant to say :: prev :: next :: when did it happen, when did everything that i touch, taste, see, hear, feel become a simulation someone, something slowly, atom by atom moment by moment built a time and place that looks just like the one i used to live in and smells just like the air i used to breathe senses are numb emotions tenderised tips of fingers blunt eyes dull and unreflective bones creak, but no pain is felt everything is reduced to fatigue and rage a gun was placed on the left side next to my temple a voice i once trusted spoke and said this is now your life don't flinch don't even blink or i'll pull the trigger i wish you would... maybe then the terror of this reality would come to an end but that would be merciful and you're not into mercy these days are you no, you're into you these days what an arrogant jerk i have this dream that i can ask you want you want and you can stop puking bull shit and lay down your pride and give me a real answer but it's only a dream and not very likely because i want to be real i never wanted anything else but you want to take your turn flip another piece on the gameboard and wait for me to make my move and honestly if that's all you're capable of then i've already lost and my dream is already dead from the day i was born i've been looking for someone someone who is fearless who will without regard for self take my hand and join me in the dive into complete transparency... ...i guess i'm still looking © 2001 (2 may) john r. chase
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