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This wicked pen, this wicked mind
I squeak what I feel
knowing the fallout
If it's there it needs attention
it needs to be fixed
we can make it all right
Swallow this, go see that
repair will come
then life will go on
By design there's damage
no flaws
nothing wrong
There's freedom in not knowing
in wondering
in waiting
All this time has taught
no change there
no change here
So much to say, so much, so much
rejection waits
only more grief
Verse upon verse discarded now
fearing the effect
knowing the response
But in the end who is it for
only an outlet
or a forum
Having received so much reaction
hostility, bitterness
loneliness, mercy
I find unmerited favour
falling down
from the sky
It helps with the combat engaged in
so the goodness
is winning
Still the battle rages on
but the outcome
seems hopeful

© 1998 (10 june) john r. chase

written just prior to crossing the three decade mark, like Tell me again... and Drifting this is another semi-angry, let-me-feel-my-pain response to advice and an admonition to take steps to wake up out of my stupor.