:: wutznu :: poetry :: photos ::

simply, her

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i have seen many fingers
but none like this
pulsing with life
a touch that warms me to the core
and moves me to believe in me

i have seen many faces
but none like this
perfectly oval
lips that call to me
eyes that capture my soul
i'm hopeless

i have seen many forms
but none like this
none that could argue and win
there were eight days of creation
one just to design
the unchanging beauty it possesses

i have seen many hearts
but none like this
deeply feeling, tender underneath
hiding behind pain
fearful of being cut
able to feel so much passion
so generous
i'm lost

i have seen many souls
but none like this
none compels me to such hunger
no other occupies even one splinter of my desire
the fragrance of everything
spoken or sung
leaves me ravenous for more
and calls me to dive deeper
regardless of the cost

i have heard many voices
but none like this
that makes my eyes grow bright
and opens them to something new
that circles me in comfort
and releases me to fly
i'm undone

so who is this, who could it be?
i have been afraid
of betraying faith
if i sang her praises
for my passion for her
rivaled (rivals!) that of anything in my life
and it scared me
made me feel
that if i didn't restrain it
if i let it go
i would lose everything
and be destroyed

but i can't hide anymore
i don't want to
whether i'm thought a fool
or that i've lost my grip
or i'm only blowing smoke
i want all who will listen to know

she is!

the gift
the journey
the destination
the first light of morning
the darkest night
every dream
every thought
every hope
all that i want, completely
all i've been searching for all this time
everything beautiful
everything i'm afraid of inside me
every dark secret
worth the greatest risk
a symphony of wonder
the object of every love song ever written
the sword that cuts me and shows me who i am
the medicine that heals my wounded soul
a mystery i must unravel
a spirit i long to breathe in
worth ten lifetimes of my affection
the reflection of my desires
a vision and a prophecy and a love letter

why did i look outside for the answers
for the comfort, for the belonging that never came
it was all inside her
it was why i was laid down into her garden
can i love her too much, can i?
if anything, i can't love her enough
so now all think i'm mad
but for too long i have ignored my passions
i have convinced myself they were unhealthy
i have denied the very thing
that was meant to wake me up
to give me life

for she is a gift
yet in ignorance and fear
i thought the gift so beautiful
that i didn't unwrap it, didn't open it
put it up on a shelf to admire
maybe it's beauty fed my inadequacy
maybe i was afraid of what was inside
no more, no more, hear me, no more!
it's beauty now compels me to know every thread
i am fearless in my pursuit
for i now know that for some unimaginable reason
i was found worthy to this calling
i was created to know her
and to discover and celebrate all her wonder
what else needs to be said...

© 2001 (18 january) john r. chase

love conquers all? well, not a prideful, stubborn, selfish heart. it's very hard to get close to someone who is insecure. hopefully, in the future, i can ask all the right questions and avoid living this nightmare again.

i recently thought about removing this, and mine, for her from the web site. but i decided against it, because these poems are about the process, the journey, and any piece that i take away will make the picture incomplete.